A Male Karate Instructor’s View on Physical Contact

The Perception of Male Karate Instructors

As in many other contact sports, male Karate instructors are often assumed to be "tough guys." While it may be true that many of us have earned this reputation through decades of hard training—often involving plenty of cuts, bruises, and occasional broken bones—are we not allowed to show our soft side sometimes?

My Experience with Social-Emotional Learning Programs

I have participated in many social-emotional learning programs, mostly with Challenge Day (www.challengeday.org). In full disclosure, I am the Treasurer of their nonprofit fundraising arm, where we work on bringing in money to help schools that cannot afford to pay for this life-changing program. Through these programs conducted with middle school and high school students, I have hugged many hundreds of teenagers.

Why I Do Not Hug My Karate Students

So why is it that I do not hug my Karate students? Here in the United States, lawsuits abound, and many of them are frivolous. If a child were to tell their parent, "Sensei hugged me today," what might happen? I have no desire to find out.

I have hugged several of my adult students. However, I generally worry about hugging younger students. A few times, kids have excitedly run up to me and hugged me. I will not push them away, but I do not hug them back. Occasionally, young students ask if they can hug me. Only when their parent is present and gives me the nod do I agree. But even when a student gets hurt in class, I worry about what it might look like if I offer a hug.

This can be frustrating because I care about my students and know that support beyond just words can be helpful.

The Gender Disparity in Physical Contact

Generally, female Karate instructors do not have this worry. Women have many other concerns compared to men, but this is probably not one of them. For some of us men, however, it is a real issue. I admit to feeling some jealousy when I see women hugging their students at tournaments. I wish I could give hugs to students who could use them but worry about it being misinterpreted.

Hugging in Tournaments

Speaking of tournaments, when I have seen kids crying because they got hit in the face, for example, I often say to their opponent at the end of the match, "It might be a good idea to give her a hug." It makes me happy to see them embrace and not hold onto any negative feelings. Hugging typically triggers a chemical reaction in our bodies, releasing oxytocin, which makes us happier. I like to see people happy. However, I typically avoid physical contact that might be considered inappropriate for a male Karate instructor.

Addressing the Inequality

What can be done about this inequality and the negative perception of physical contact by male instructors?

Men—do you have similar feelings? Women—do you realize you have a privilege in this regard? (Of course, men have many other privileges, which I would be happy to discuss another time.)

I look forward to hearing from others on this topic.

By Jon Keeling, Silicon Valley Karate

Webpage:  www.svkarate.com