Fear Does Not Exist in This Dojo
Thoughts from a Menopausal Sensei
"Fear does not exist in this dojo." A fun gift given to us by a student when we opened our first dojo. I love the way it greets us as we walk up the stairs to our tatami.
But it’s not true, is it? Fear is everywhere, both in and out of the dojo, and that doesn’t have to be a negative thing. Fear is built into our primal brains to keep us alert to danger and help keep us safe. Sometimes, we might think of it as a funny sensation in our tummy.
I quite openly tell my students that I’m always scared and have struggled with nerves throughout my life, both on and off the mat.
When does fear present itself in the Dojo?
For many, it is the moment we walk through the door. How much courage did it take you to write an email or answer a Facebook post to sign up for your first trial lesson? You get yourself ready and go to your first class, which usually turns out to be great fun and not the big, scary thing you imagined.
So now you are a student, and we are learning all this cool stuff together. Fear may be present because you don’t know what you are doing, and everyone else seems to be far more competent than you. That’s okay—we all have to start somewhere, and a good Sensei will guide you through the first few months until you find your feet.
Sparring and Kumite
The time when it gets really fun. What do you mean, fun? It’s fighting, right? No, it’s sparring.
Sparring, when done correctly, can be really enjoyable. Is it dangerous, punching and kicking each other? Yes, sometimes, but it should be more like play—something we do to drill our techniques. The more you practise, the more you learn to relax and enjoy it.
In our dojo, we spend a lot of time building students up and creating a safe environment so they can learn. I do not believe in pushing people too hard in the beginning and destroying their confidence. That is cruel and unnecessary. We all learn at different speeds, and some students are more fearful than others. Providing a safe space to learn from each other and nurture students is what we are about.
Kumite can be intimidating—or rather, your opponent can be. When I get students to do this exercise, I always start off at something less than 50% speed and build the intensity. I also tell my students that if they are feeling overwhelmed in both kumite and free sparring, they should ask their training partner to dial it back a bit and then build up again. You should be working at a speed where you can see what is coming and are able to respond to it. As you become more competent, we then increase the intensity.
Learning New Techniques
Surely there is no fear involved here? Well, I would say there is. I had the biggest fear of going on a treadmill and doing box jumps for years—it was something I had to really work at. I had to tell my mind to be quiet and that I could do it. I have also seen this fear in the dojo, usually when someone has to try a new kick. Ushiro geri (back kick), for instance, has been a sticky point for many students. Once someone gets it wrong, it can create a fear of never getting it right.
For adults, the fear of failure can be crippling. I see it in myself too—the comment, I used to be able to do that. Why can’t we still? It might be an age thing—we feel more vulnerable, and our bodies don’t always feel as strong as they once were. Learning new things or revisiting old techniques may need to be tackled from a different angle or at a slower pace.
Fear of Teaching
I love teaching, but it does make me nervous sometimes. I like to lesson plan and have something in place before I turn up at the dojo. Of course, there are times when the lesson plan has to be thrown out of the window because it doesn’t fit the students in front of you. The more we teach, the more comfortable we become.
I don’t like teaching something I am not competent at, which is why I am consistent with my own training. It might not specifically be a karate class—it could be another martial art. I learn from other people’s teaching styles, how they connect with the topic and their students. I try not to worry about failing in front of my students—it just shows them that I am human, just like them. We win some, we lose some. I find it funny when people hesitate to ask a senior instructor to show them a kata they are learning. Why? I am happy to show what I know and admit what I don’t.
As teachers, we all have difficult lessons. Over time, we learn to handle them better. I hope my students don’t notice these moments, but if they do, I hope they see that I am just like them.
Fear of Getting Hurt
As we get older, we feel more vulnerable. Our bodies may be weaker, and we may be dealing with more injuries and niggles. Unfortunately, this is part of life. I often joke that it’s easier to list what isn’t hurting than what is!
Fear of getting seriously hurt is always in the back of my mind. I think I use it to help me—it makes me a little more sensible when training. I’m not prepared to push myself too far just to satisfy my ego—it’s really not worth a trip to the hospital.
Know when to tap. Tap early. Take things carefully. Don’t get too excited when you get things right—just because you managed it five times doesn’t mean you should push for a sixth and risk an injury. I often do a mini risk assessment in my head—if I’m not sure, I won’t do it.
Fear of Failing
We learn more from failing than we do from succeeding. What’s the saying? Nine times down, ten times up.
Is it the fear of failing, or is it the fear of being embarrassed? Whatever it is, don’t let it stop you from trying.
The right dojo, Sensei, or coach will guide you through your failures, and you will become stronger because of them. In our dojo, we always say: 'You can laugh at yourself, but not at others.'
So, Does Fear Exist in This Dojo?
Absolutely, it does. But is it the same fear for everyone? No, it isn’t. We don’t know what fears people carry until they feel comfortable enough to share them. Their fears may be different from our own. They may seem small to us but feel huge to them.
Don’t judge—listen and learn. Allow people to conquer their fears or use them to grow. We often think that fear is a negative thing, but maybe it isn’t. Maybe it’s something that keeps us safe, that prevents injury, that helps us grow as martial artists and as human beings.
Harness your fears and use them to your advantage. Share your fears so others can learn from them. When students share their fears with you, it makes you a better teacher—if you listen.
Thank you, The Karate Kid, for giving me this opportunity to ramble on.
More Ramblings from a Menopausal Martial Artist
Natasha Barlow Sensei
Links:
💡 Support Budo Mindset Magazine! 💡
If you enjoy Budo Mindset and believe in our mission to highlight traditional karate, inclusivity, and leadership, please consider supporting us! Every coffee fuels our work and keeps this platform thriving! ☕🥋